It’s a fairly normal day here in Belgium. That is to say, my housemates are eating, it’s raining outside, and I’m catching up on uni readings (aka ‘procrastinating’). I was idly wondering to myself this morning whether such procrastinating would result in an official Valentine’s Day post—I’m (perhaps obviously) not a V-Day kind of girl, especially given I dated a guy by that name. Now, for the first half of February, I pretty much end up narrowing my eyes at all V-Day related signs and items. If I weren’t entirely devoid of any notion of romanticism already, the first half of February would definitely cure me.
Naturally, an essential part of my procrastination today has been reading hilarious book reviews on Goodreads. And eventually, it always always comes back to 50 Shades reviews. After reading a review of the second book, I stumbled across this little gem:
There you have it, people: the abusive fuckwit character of Christian Grey is ranked 27th ‘best book boyfriend’ from at least 4911 possible options (I’m assuming there’s a predictably large number of love triangles in the books included on the list). I actually teared up. Not with laughter, mind you—with horror.
Then it struck me: what if this number 27 ranking was only his character for the second book. What about the first book?
Second. Second best book boyfriend. Wtaf. I mean for starters, have they never read Howl’s Moving Castle?! And he’s neurotic as fuck! Glaaaagh what hope for humanity.
But I’m not going to launch into another diatribe against the 50 Shades series, because apparently that’s exactly what I did last Valentine’s Day. Instead I’m just going to leave this here, and conclude that people are screwed. In a potentially rapey, manipulative kind of way.
Domestic abuse helplines
- UK: 0808 2000 247
- Australia: 1800 737 732 (1800 RESPECT)
- Canada: 1800 363 9010
- USA: 1800 799 7233
It’s easiest for me to find the English-language hotlines, but a quick Google should help find the relevant support in your local area.
- List of healthy BDSM-themed books and movies on reddit
- Healthy relationship quiz
- Signs of emotional abuse (because abuse isn’t just violent or sexual—and it affects men as well as women)
- My fav sex-positive blogger
- Adorable comic about sex toys
- BDSM FAQs subreddit
- One of many quizzes (apparently it’s quiz day?) to take with your partner if you’re looking to try new things and are a bit nervous about bringing them up
- Whatever you do, do your research, and remember that your safety comes first (before anybody else does…. see what I did there?!).
Lastly, please oh please, if you meet a real life Christian (or Christina) Grey, stay far far away.