There are a few things which make me angry. Pretty high on that list are sexism, racism, climate change deniers, stupidity, and people who are bad at their jobs. As you can imagine, therefore, I’m not a big fan of the current Australian Government. In fact, the last federal election sent me into an unparalleled fb friend cull, and I still can’t talk about it without getting a rage headache. Not just rage at the politicians you understand, but at those morons who were uneducated, greedy or simply short-sighted enough to vote for them. (Deep breaths Laura, deep breaths).
Now, as we’ve seen before, when I get angry I like to write angry poems (to Greyhound coaches; to my travel agent). So, here is, as requested, a hopefully cathartic and highly sarcastic explosion at our dear prime minister, Tony Abbott. In verse.
|Dearest PM Tony, it’s little old me,
Wanting to say please DO take down ABC.
Impartiality has no place in journalism,
When it compromises values like good Aussie patriotism.Cos I’m just like you, our feelings the same:
To think other nations equal, it’s a crying shame.
You’re doing a great job, don’t listen to journos
Screw those balanced bastards, let’s of them dispose.
And the UN! How dare they suggest
Then there’s those bloody boat people, how dare they intrude?
At least we’re doing a great job, clearing the way,
And speaking of getting hot under the collar,
Thank goodness you were there, Tony, my hero
And speaking of things to do with people and beds
Then there’s your foreign policy, about which I can’t say
While Indonesia threatens with missiles and planes,
And we all know what that’s good for, don’t we old chap?
But of course you’re right, despite what I thought
I know, cos you’ve told me, men have these ‘aptitudes’,
Keep stripping that money from higher education
Then there’s the NBN, the national broadband network
It’s brought no benefits, it’s not useful for work
And how could I forget–I love big oil,
But back to the fish, and the forests, and trees:
I know there’s those reports about Australian living standards–
It sits not on our economy (it matters not you’ve no plan)
Because as we all know, it’s not circular logic;
|Tony: “it dismays Australians when the national broadcaster appears to take everyone’s side but its own and I think it is a problem.”Tony: “[asylum seekers are] people who are attempting to break Australian law” (more links: 1, 2, 3, etc)
(ICJ =International Court of Justice in the Hague)Charges by East Timor. Asylum seekers allegedly mistreated; towed to Indonesia, in defiance of international law.Tony: “Jesus knew that there was a place for everything and it’s not necessarily everyone’s place to come to Australia.”
Tony: “The climate change argument is absolute crap, however the politics are tough for us because 80 per cent of people believe climate change is a real and present danger.”
Tony: “I think it would be folly to expect that women will ever dominate or even approach equal representation in a large number of areas simply because their aptitudes, abilities and interests are different for physiological reasons”; “The problem with the Australian practice of abortion is that an objectively grave matter has been reduced to a question of the mother’s convenience.”; “What the housewives of Australia need to understand as they do the ironing is that if they get it done commercially it’s going to go up in price and their own power bills when they switch the iron on are going to go up, every year…”
kirk = church in older dialects
Tony: “Why isn’t the fact that 100,000 women choose to end their pregnancies regarded as a national tragedy approaching the scale, say, of Aboriginal life expectancy being 20 years less than that of the general community?”
Ladies and gentlemen, my prime minister: